Marketing FAIL!

Okay, so I have a job and I'm pretty sure that my boss doesn't like me or my ideas for marketing. Today he handed me a newsletter that he "swears by" for all of his best marketing advice. Um, yeah...FAIL.

This is a copy of one of the pages in the newsletter. First of all, it's HORRIBLE to read. Second of all, I've found a handful of typos. And third, the image on this page is imported from ShutterStock, but the ShutterStock logo and watermark is STILL on the image!! (You can hardly see it in this image, but it's very obvious in the newsletter.) Uh, what the heck?! This is a lawyer's newsletter regarding marketing TO lawyers. Do they think no one will notice the ShutterStock thing? How horrible is that?

As much as I love working and I love marketing, but really? This newsletter?! I'm not sure the ideas are all that great, especially if they can't even manage to purchase a simple image from ShutterStock. Oh well, I'm going to give it the old "college try."

Why Must Summer Suck?!

Okay, so I haven't blogged in forever...sorry. I've had a crazy 6 months. These last two months have been very hard for me, not only because I have one arm, but because...well, I'll get to that.

Charlie was married at the beginning of May. It was a beautiful ceremony, however I have to admit it was really hard. I managed to keep my inner turmoil hid. I was so happy to see my brother happy, but it broke my heart because it made me think of Taylor.

I had a major shoulder surgery June 2nd. I had torn my bicep and tricep away from my bicep tendon, as well as pinched a nerve between my clavicle and Rotator Cuff. Joy! That was a miserable few days after surgery trying to figure out how to live without moving my arm. Thankfully Charlie and Jovonna, were there for me.

On top of that, today I went to see my friend Mitchell in the hospital. He was in a car-motorcycle accident and broke his forearm in half. Yikes! Visiting him in the hospital was so hard. I couldn't even believe that I was there. After a few hours of joking around, I left.

I made it out to my car without too much difficulty but just simply broke down as soon as I sat down. Watching my brother get married, being in the hospital myself and visiting Mitchell brought back all the memories from last summer and Taylor.  The more I tried to push it out of my mind, the worse it became. I guess the timing is just bad. I don't know. Slow jams were on the radio tonight when I got in my car, so I just hit a button...conveniently a Chris Cagle song came on the radio...and it happened to be "our song." This was just the icing on the cake....I lost all control and began to sob.

I mean, I really thought I was over this, but maybe not. I don't even know what to do with myself. Some of my friends have been trying to set me up with guys, but nobody seems to be able to "fit" just the way I want or need them to. I just really don't know what to do.

I suppose for me, it's best to just keep busy with work and school...so I will! Here I am at work as a Utah Highway Safety intern at Rocky Mountain Raceways :)

Random Forward Email

I got this email and well, it made me laugh. The 13 things your burglar won't tell you are well...yeah...funny! Also there are helpful "life saving" tips at the end. It doesn't really mean a whole hill of beans, but hey - enjoy!

 
Thirteen Things Your Burglar Won't Tell You

1.  Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator.

2.  Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to make my return a little easier.

3.  Love those flowers. That tells me you have taste... and taste means there are nice things inside. Those yard toys your kids leave out always make me wonder what type of gaming system they have.

4.  Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway. And I might leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it takes you to remove it..

5.  If it snows while you're out of town, get a neighbor to create car and foot tracks into the house.  Virgin drifts in the driveway are a dead giveaway.

6.  If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don't let your alarm company install the control pad where I can see if it's set. That makes it too easy.

7.  A good security company alarms the window over the sink.  And the windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom - and your jewelry. It's not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there too.

8.  It's raining, you're fumbling with your umbrella, and you forget to lock your door - understandable.  But understand this:  I don't take a day off because of bad weather.

9.  I always knock first.  If you answer, I'll ask for directions somewhere or offer to clean your gutters. (Don't take me up on it.)

10.  Do you really think I won't look in your sock drawer?  I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine cabinet.

11.  Here's a helpful hint:  I almost never go into kids' rooms.

12.  You're right:  I won't have enough time to break into that safe where you keep your valuables.  But if it's not bolted down, I'll take it with me.

13.  A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm system.  If you're reluctant to leave your TV on while you're out of town, you can buy a $35 device that works on a timer and simulates the flickering glow of a real television. (Find it at http://www.faketv.com/) 

8 More Things A Burglar Won't Tell You:

1.  Sometimes, I carry a clipboard.  Sometimes, I dress like a lawn guy and carry a rake.  I do my best to never, ever look like a crook.

2.  The two things I hate most: loud dogs and nosy neighbors.

3.  I'll break a window to get in, even if it makes a little noise.  If your neighbor hears one loud sound, he'll stop what he's doing and wait to hear it again... If he doesn't hear it again, he'll just go back to what he was doing.  It's human nature.

4.  I'm not complaining, but why would you pay all that money for a fancy alarm system and leave your house without setting it?

5.  I love looking in your windows.  I'm looking for signs that you're home, and for flat screen TVs or gaming systems I'd like.  I'll drive or walk through your neighborhood at night, before you close the blinds, just to pick my targets.

6.  Avoid announcing your vacation on your Facebook page.  It's easier than you think to look up your address.

7.  To you, leaving that window open just a crack during the day is a way to let in a little fresh air.  To me, it's an invitation.

8.  If you don't answer when I knock, I try the door.  Occasionally, I hit the jackpot and walk right in.

Sources:  Convicted burglars in North Carolina, Oregon, California, and Kentucky ; security consultant Chris McGoey, who runs http://www.crimedoctor.com/and Richard T. Wright, a criminology professor at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, who interviewed 105 burglars for his book Burglars on the Job.

Protection for you and your home:

If you don't have a gun, here's a more humane way to wreck someone’s evil plans for you. (I guess I can get rid of the baseball bat.):

WASP SPRAY

A friend who is a receptionist in a church in a high risk area was concerned about someone coming into the office on Monday to rob them when they were counting the collection.  She asked the local police department about using pepper spray and they recommended to her that she get a can of wasp spray instead.

The wasp spray, they told her, can shoot up to twenty feet away and is a lot more accurate, while with the pepper spray, they have to get too close to you and could overpower you. The wasp spray temporarily blinds an attacker until they get to the hospital for an antidote. She keeps a can on her desk in the office and it doesn't attract attention from people like a can of pepper spray would. She also keeps one nearby at home for home protection... Thought this was interesting and might be of use.

From Another Source

On the heels of a break in and beating that left an elderly woman in Toledo dead, self defense experts have a tip that could save your life.

Val Glinka teaches self-defense to students at Sylvania Southview High School.  For decades, he's suggested putting a can of wasp and hornet spray near your door or bed.

Glinka says, "This is better than anything I can teach them."

Glinka considers it inexpensive, easy to find, and more effective than mace or pepper spray.  The cans typically shoot 20 to 30 feet; so if someone tries to break into your home, Glinka says, "spray the culprit in the eyes."  It's a tip he's given to students for decades.  It's also one he wants everyone to hear.  If you're looking for protection, Glinka says look to the spray.

"That's going to give you a chance to call the police; maybe get out."

Maybe even save a life.

Put your car keys beside your bed at night.  If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car.  The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies.  This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator.  Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this:  It's a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation.  Test it.  It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain.  It works if you park in your driveway or garage.  If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break into your house, odds are the burglar/rapist won't stick around.  After a few seconds all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won't want that.  

And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there. This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime.

Computers - Bob Needs a Friend

So my dear, sweet boyfriend Bob needs a friend. Oh, forgot to preface this - Bob is my laptop. I spend most of my days and nights with him, he loves sitting in my lap, having my fingers push his keys (not all at once) and occasionally keeping me warm at night. Anyways, we've been together for about 5 or 6 years now. He's getting kind of old and a little forgetful on a few things so I want to get Bob a friend to help him out with his workload, especially now that I'm in grad school.

Here are two computers that I'm all sorts of ga-ga over!

#1

Computer	MacBook Pro
Size	15 inch
Price	$2,187.95
Specifications	2.66 GHz Intel Core i7
	4 GB 1066MHz DDR3 SDRAM - 2x2 GB
	500 GB Serial ATA Drive @ 5400 rpm
	SuperDrive 8x (DVD±R DL/DVD±RW/CD-RW)
	Glossy Widescreen Display
	Backlit Keyboard (English)
	User's Guide
	Microsoft Office Mac 2011 - Home and Student Edition
	MobileMe

#2

Computer	MacBook Air
Size	13 inch
Price	$1,917.95
Specifications	2.13 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo
	4 GB 1066MHz DDR3 SDRAM
	256 GB Flash Storage
	Keyboard (English)
	User's Guide
	Microsoft Office Mac 2011 - Home and Student Edition
	MobileMe

Anybody have any thoughts? Please!